Categories
Writing

Should Parthiv Be in the Team in Place of Ganguly? (!) – Kitli Times

--- 8:50 PM Jayram Tea Stall (outside IIM, towards AMA) ---

Amdavadi kitlis never fail to throw up the bigger issues of life. Like, how many ‘adadhees’ can you have just before dinner?

Too many can cause a rearranging of spaces and gases in the stomach; and yet, having a solitary  one almost always stands the prospect of insulting the kitli owner. And Jayram, for one, remembers most things in life. To make matters worse, the fact of the chatter is that it’s not you, but the discussion over and across the moodhha that decides the number of steaming glasses that you empty into you.

Anyway, on a comfortably numb Ahmedabad November evening, Sharma, Parth, Maulik, Richu and Jigar are all seated in a very small circle. As usual, Parth finds the moodhha a little small for his gloriously successful seat: “I don’t know when would they learn to design good moodhhas”.

“Abey, yeh tere baap ke factory ka furniture nahin hai”  Jigar takes a dig at the furniture business of Parth’s dad  “yeh Asian paints ka peepa hai. And they never thought they’ll have to paint such a huge (pointing towards Parth’s behind) room”

Everyone bursts out laughing. Richu is the loudest. She’s new to the kitli culture and loves every bit of the world-famous-in-Vastrapur ‘guy mahotsavs’ at the kitli.

“Na hauye Jigar, your sense of humour has improved so much! I’m sure my 4-year-old nephew would really love you”
There goes Richu again, covering her mouth while continuing with her laughter. She has hardly spoken this evening. But even Jayram could tell that she’s quite happy at having found this kind of space in her life. The group treats her like a baby and her happiness always manages to find many ready smiles for company.

So then, what’s the verdict –   should Parthiv be in the team in place of Ganguly?

In place of Ganguly!” – wonders Parth. “And I thought the whole fuss was about Ganguly himself not being in the team”.

“Very intelligent of you Sir to have such refined sarcasm; but then, we don’t blame you. You have time to do overtime at office but don’t have time for the Kitli. Aur agar sarkar aa bhi gaye toh unke dono kaan aur &^$*% mein mobile ghusa rehta hai”  Sharma lets go his old grouse.

“Abey yaar, wapas chalu mat ho ja tu. I am in Sales and I have to sit during month endings.”

“Abey toh hum sab kya lukhkhe hain yahan?”

Yeah, great; things were heating up again between Parth and Sharma. As usual. Adding to the ritual, Maulik takes over the firefighting in his hands one more time. “Alya bund thaao bannei jana. Why don’t you two just talk out the issue?”

“What is the issue here? That I make sure I complete my work at the office? Or that I have three cell phones?”

“No, no. The issue here is that, since you are the only one working here, what method should we be employing to make sure that you do not get disturbed during your world-saving telephonic conversations”

“What the &%$#, what should I tell clients –  boss, I can’t talk to you because I have to entertain Sharma at the kitli?”

“Mere aise din nahin aaye hain ki I look forward to you for entertainment.”

“Hey come on guys, why do we have to do this every second day”. That was Richu.

“Simply because Khalid Sharma Mohammad does not understand that in sales, office hours never end.”

“Aw, come one; give me a break”  Sharma just stands up and leaves to buy a cigarette from Bobby.

“Abey uski problem kya hai?”

“He’s definitely over-reacting”, Maulik reasons, “but the fact of the matter is that you NEVER switch off. Not your mobile; not your work.”

“Well, if you’ve got such a big problem with my talking on phone. I think I’ll stop coming here.”

“But you won’t even try to switch off work after office hours, right?”

“%&$# it, I’m leaving”  Parth has had enough. He gets up from the moodhha, picks up his laptop and moves to his bike. No one tries to stop him, though Richu seems to be a little worked up.

“Don’t worry, aisa bahut baar hua hai”, Maulik tries to make Richu feel lighter. He then turns towards Sharma, “Sharma chal, we’re all leaving”.

“Arey pan, aa dar-roj ni maathakut no solution shu?” – Jigar asks.

“Main batata hoon”, Sharma walks in with a smug smile on his face. “The solution of this one is to award Parth the title of the only working soul of this planet. Saala. If Bill Gates can sit in an Aussie stadium and watch Olympics live, what is this guy’s business – selling bloody (business category)?”

Oops, things are now definitely going for a tailspin.

“Muko ne yaar, chalo let’s go”  Maulik tries to save the group of getting sucked into a bitter one.

Well, to begin with, no one at the kitli ever feels guilty if they spray their thoughts all over the place. Being a McGrath of conversations is not the pursuit of even the purists of kitli conversations.

Yet, the group did mule over the possiblitly of having Parthiv in the team in place of Ganguly. But before anyone could realize, it had all become about whether one should switch off completely from work after office hours.  Maybe the original conversation would happen some day soon. Or maybe when they meet again after dinner!

As for the latter subject, well, the jury is still out. Maybe they would think it over dinner and get back with renewed vigour. Of course, it seems highly unlikely that Parth would turn up again today.

PS: Just in case you share Parth’s surprise, the big one from the group is that Ganguly definitely deserves a place in the team. But since the present administrators and team management would have none of it, the group believes that at least some other “lefty” should be in the team.

Don’t think; just speak and sip tea at an Amdavadi kitli.

Categories
Writing

Education and all that Jazz!

Education might not be the easiest thing to get through. But it is easier than mastering the philosophy of education itself! Hear it from a student of final year B.Sc.

It may sound immensely incredulous now, but the truth of the matter is that the concept of education wasn’t born alongside the human race. There was a period when it was just about plucking apples and eating it too; apart from harnessing other talents.

Damn! How come we’re always a little late for the party? But then, did I call it being a little late for the party? Who am I kidding – there’s no party tonight. Actually, there’s no party on any night. Because nights are meant to mug up a few inscrutable theories, alongside a few mugs of the inedible, right? As I said, damn!

The word education is said to be derived from the Latin ‘educare’, meaning ‘to raise’, ‘to bring up’, ‘to train’, ‘to rear’, via education. But then, how different is Latin from Greek for us? I guess that’s precisely why they’ve come up with a new one. It says education derives from ‘educere’ (with a long u), meaning “to lead out” or “to lead forth”. There is an English word from this verb, ‘eduction’, meaning drawing out.

Whoa! As if education itself wasn’t tough enough, they’re out to get us with the dissection of its ancestry too. As the two kids of the popular sitcom Khichdee would say, “badey log, badey log”! Or should I stick to the good ol’ ‘damn’? Never easy on our parents’ ears, I guess it goes well with the damning slug-fest that we had to endure between a damn-good-actor-turned-a-damn-ill-informed-activist-turned-a-damnably-plastic-certificate-on-pesticolas. All that damning reminds me that I had always wanted to be like Van Damn. God has begun by gifting me with the iron-man’s brain! I say, God seems to be a slow starter; hope he is a good finisher. Oh, come on, where is this damn subject going anyway.

Be back to the subject, shall we? They say that the fundamental purpose of education includes educating young people to become responsible, thoughtful and enterprising citizens. And before you scratch your chin, get ready to pull your hair. Because they – who are these ‘they’ anyway – believe that educating young people is an intricate, challenging task requiring deep understanding of ethical principles, moral values, political theory, aesthetics, and economics; not to mention an understanding of who children are, in themselves and in society.

Alright, go ahead and kill yourself.

I mean come on world, why trouble yourself with the burden of understanding who we – the children, did you say? – are; when you can conveniently hold us responsible for being irresponsible anyway. Do you elders even realize how your self-righteous need to inculcate values, principles and other indefinable are muddying your brains? Why, on one hand we –  children, did you say? –  are ‘oh so irresponsible’ while on the other, right from the day a man, any man, anywhere, had last smiled genuinely at his own wedding reception, we’ve been held responsible for almost everything!

And prey, tell us how mixing one foul smelling yellow liquid with another even worse smelling white liquid in a very narrow tube going to make us responsible! Oh yes, maybe it would teach how not to spill tea while transferring from the kettle to our wive’s cups.

But, as people of my tribe know, you have to do it – even if you want to become a cartoonist. Heck, you have to do that even if you don’t want to do anything in life. I haven’t given more ammo to my dad, have I?

But hey guys, and all my dahlings, guess what more education is supposed to do: to foster development and prosperity of an individual, the surrounding society and even the entire humanity. Moreover, an individual’s development and the capacity to fulfill one’s own purposes can depend upon an adequate preparation in childhood (read education).

Not sure about fulfilling my purpose, but what I know is that filling test tubes is not preparing me adequately for everything I might never want to do. Heh heh!

Oops! I’ve run out of space. So this one’s for you, editor. I don’t know about education’s purpose; but my purpose with education is to open up to life. Open up to such diverse knowledge that it would help me get over life’s standards. Can you help me get that kinda education here in Ahmedabad?

Categories
Journalism

Empire Strikes Back?

What should the world expect from a leader who says ‘enough’ to the habit of Japan apologizing for its war crimes?

One can be forgiven for mistaking him for a mild and impeccably mannered Manager of a service or hospitality sector firm. But Prime Minister Shinzo Abe, the first Japanese leader born after World War II, is passionately ruthless about his agenda. To begin with, he is committed to tearing up the legacies of defeat.

The 52-year-old, dubbed “the prince” for his elite pedigree, became Japan’s youngest prime minister in September this year, fulfilling at an early age the ambitions of his family which has advanced conservative causes for generations.
“The time has come for our generation, who did not experience the war, to take the responsibility” to lead Japan, Abe said during the campaign.

Known to prefer Machintosh systems over Microsoft Windows, Abe is known to speak in quiet and complete sentences.
But, as the world is finding out slowly, not all of his quiet statements are about peace of mind. At a campaign rally, Abe had reportedly declared, “I want to write the constitution with my own hand.” The very obvious target of his belligerence was the pacifist constitution, which was imposed on a defeated Japan by the United States in 1947, seven years before he was born into a leading political family.

But what had caused the most panic across Japan’s neighbourhood was Abe’s very public mulling of a theoretical pre-emptive strike on North Korea! But it was precisely such talk on North Korea that Abe had first become a household name in Japan. The fodder for his approach was provided by North Korea itself, with its acceptance of having abducted Japanese people in the 1960s and 70s. In fact, but for his wife, a 44 year-old daughter of a businessman who is known for her love for Korean culture, one could have safely believed that Abe has an old score to settle with the Koreans.

Korea alone it might not have been, but history seems to have played a big role in shaping his passion.
Abe’s maternal grandfather Nobusuke Kishi served in the wartime cabinet and helped supervise the industrialisation of Manchukuo, the puppet state Japan set up in northeastern China. After the war, Kishi was jailed by US forces as a top war criminal although he was not tried. Kishi later became prime minister, fighting leftists to build the new alliance with Washington.

Not surprisingly, Abe has always  backed his predecessor Junichiro Koizumi’s pilgrimages to the Yasukuni shrine, which honours war dead and war criminals. Koizumi’s visits have infuriated neighbouring countries haunted by Japan’s aggression.

What might be discomforting for the world, however, is that Abe’s views are a bit too further to the right than those of Koizumi. He has rejected the legitimacy of post-war trials of war criminals and hinted he feels Japan has apologised enough for its war past.

Desire and decisiveness both run in his family. His father was Shintaro Abe, a foreign minister. Shintaro wanted to be a prime minister, but could not because of, firstly a scandal and then cancer, to which he later succumbed. But within a decade of taking over his father’s parliament seat Abe has fulfilled his family’s desire.

having abducted Japanese people in the 1960s and 70s. In fact, but for his wife, a 44 year-old daughter of a businessman who is known for her love for Korean culture, one could have safely believed that Abe has an
Categories
Journalism

Did Pluto Deserve It?

Good ol’ Pluto is no longer a planet. It has been demoted to the status of being a ‘dwarf planet’. As expected, the decision is not without its critics.

A vote at the International Astronomical Union’s (IAU) 10-day General Assembly in Prague this summer has demoted Pluto to the status of a dwarf planet. The IAU has been the official naming body for astronomy since 1919.

Raising consternation amongst the astronomers community is the fact that only 424 astronomers who remained in Prague for the last day of the meeting took part in the voting – thereby implying that the decision is far from universal.
An initial proposal by the IAU to add three new planets to the Solar System – the asteroid Ceres, Pluto’s moon Charon and the distant world known as 2003 UB313 – met with considerable opposition at the meeting. Days of heated debate followed during which four separate proposals were tabled.

Eventually, the scientists adopted historic guidelines that saw Pluto getting relegated to a secondary category of “dwarf planets”.

It would only be appropriate  to remind ourselves here that Pluto’s official status as a planet has been a constant subject of controversy, fueled by the past lack of a clear definition of planet, since at least as early as 1992, when the first Kuiper Belt Object, (15760) 1992 QB1, was discovered.

With betterment of telescope technology, further discoveries of trans-Neptunian objects, some of comparable size to that of Pluto, were made by scientists in US and Europe. In 2006 the matter came to a head with the need to categorize and name the recently-discovered trans-Neptunian object Eris, which, being larger than Pluto, was thought to be at least equally deserving of the status of ‘planet’.

“To most people the word “planet” is more cultural than scientific. It is part of the mental landscape that we use to organize our ideas of the universe around us. The best analogy I can come up with is with the word “continent.” The word sound like it should have some scientific definition, but clearly there is no way to construct a definition that somehow gets the 7 things we call continents to be singled out. Why is Europe called a separate continent? Only because of culture. You will never hear geologists engaged in a debate about the meaning of the word “continent” though.

Astronomers might be wise to learn from the geologists. Let culture define “planet” and let astronomers get back to the more important business of actually doing science.

Michael E. Brown (Discoverer of dwarf planet Eris)

In the wake of increasing debates within the IAU, Julio Fernández and Gonzalo Tancredi of Uruguay proposed of a redefining of the term ‘planet’; so that other objects beyond the traditional nine planets could also be included in the planetary family.

Eventually, on August 24, 2006 in Prague, Czech Republic, the vote removed Pluto’s status as a planet and reclassified it as a dwarf planet.

However, almost immediately after and since  the adoption of the new definition, there has been criticism of both the substance and the process of arriving at the decision.

Within five days of the new IAU Planet Definition over 300 scientists signed a petition that opposed the new definition. Interestingly, the petition too has been criticized; because unlike the wide national identities of the voters at the IAU assembly,  nearly all of its signatories are Americans. The petitioners also failed to propose an alternative definition, so their signatures are no indication that they are all of similar views.

Among the general public, reception is mixed amidst widespread media coverage. Some have accepted the reclassification, while some are seeking to overturn the decision, with online petitions urging the IAU to consider reinstatement.

Within five days of the new IAU Planet Definition, over 300 scientists signed a petition that opposed the new definition. The full text of the petition says: “We, as planetary scientists and astronomers, do not agree with the IAU’s definition of a planet, nor will we use it. A better definition is needed.”

The decision has its cultural and societal implications too. It will affect the astronomical artifacts and toys industry. Educational books need to be revised. Something that prompted the editors of the 2007 edition of the World Book Encyclopedia to hold off printing until a final result had been reached.

Categories
Cinema Journalism

The Purna Satya

When a Good Story was Enough
The Story is Now Just One Part

Dev was often introduced as the sequel-in-spirit of Ardh Satya. And much to its credit, Dev did manage to live up to the colossal identity. Alas, as the film’s box office faring reiterated, the success of an Ardh Satya of 1970s would be difficult to emulate today; unless backed by an all-round marketing blitz.

For, films today have become products that need to be furiously marketed. Those that do a better job at the strategy table win.

Nothing illustrates the point more than the comparative box office performances of Dev and Girl Friend, two films that were released simultaneously. Admittedly, the example chosen here is a slightly dated one, but it is not only immensely demonstrative of the subject but also valid for the present day. It was an instance where a blatantly voyeuristic misrepresentation of lesbianism did more at the box-office than a collage of towering performances, a spell-bounding screenplay and masterly direction by one of the giants of Indian cinema.
It is not a case of tears being shed at elite coffee houses over the state of meaningful cinema. For, while Girl Friend would certainly struggle to reach the highbrow art circles, Dev was not too unaffected by distinctly mainstream genes. Why, Dev even had a ‘smooch scene’ (sic) filmed on Fardeen Khan and Kareena Kapoor, the absolute poster kids of the so-called commercial cinema.

It is also no one’s argument that films, however mediocre, on previously taboo subjects like lesbianism should be seen in the broader context of a society’s evolution. But then, whoever said the subject of Girl Friend was lesbianism! The subject was saleable voyeurism. The communication route was lesbianism. And the core target market was the sexually suppressed or inadequately catered Indian male.

How different is the talk from a marketing strategy of an FMCG product? Not much. Makers of films like Girl Friend do, after all, follow Phillip Kotler’s principles of marketing. They know what to make, how to sell it and to whom. In fact, much beyond creating a routine USP (unique selling proposition), the makers of Girl Friend had succeeded in designing a much sought-after UDP (unique delight proposition) for its core market.

Girl Friend is thus a symbol of that new wave in Indian cinema, which is not about content, or often the absence of it, but is about the method of creating, packaging and selling the content.

But why just highlight the makers of Girl Friend; or that of Murder, Hawas, Jism, Khwaaish and Julie for that matter? Marketing is where the world has come to and has decided to stay put. Whether it is the case of M F Hussein’s paintings earning a whopping 100 Crores or Tendulkar earning more from endorsements than from Cricket or Aishwarya hiring Hollywood based agency William Morris for all her cinema and endorsement deals, marketing is what drives the world today. Like it or lick yourself.

Who can forget the enormous lobbying that Aamir Khan had to do to merely get his film seen by the panel members of Academy Awards! Unheard of in the Indian context, the practice is as routine in Hollywood as brushing of teeth in the morning. But his efforts paid and Lagaan got nominated for Oscars. All of that has ensured that Aamir Khan’s next home production would be flush with funds, irrespective of all the variables.

And that is where a sparkling work like Dev had faltered. The promotion of Dev, quite unlike the hard-hitting subject and treatment, was quite tepid. Either the makers were not confident of putting more money in a project that they probably perceived as a risky one or they had thought that big stars and a burning issue would rake in the audience. Unfortunately, as the example of Lagaan illustrates, nothing succeeds like successful marketing. Fierce publicity is a must, even a very notorious one would do.

So what could Dev have done? Well, put very loosely, the people at helm should have treated the film at best as a Picasso painting at an auction house or at worst as a consumer durable or service! Very good marketing can often draw people to bad products (though not necessarily hold them for long), and Dev is stirring cinema; thus providing even greater ammunition to the marketing whiz kids.

The Hum Tum cartoon strip in newspapers prior to the release of the film had proved, yet again, the utility of employing out-of-the-box thinking. Similarly, who would’ve missed the presence of bikes and stars of Dhoom on ESPN and Star Sports? Finishing the Yash Raj Trilogy, Veer-Zaara was incessantly playing Madan Mohan’s name in its publicity. The intent was clear – to give the film an aura of a yesteryears’ classic and draw elders in large numbers. The youth was going to watch Shahrukh, Preity and Rani anyway.

Another successful example of marketing can be Ram Gopal Varma’s art factory. There is not a genre left that the restless filmmaker has not tried to explore. More often than not, his films are niche-market oriented. And yet, RGV the brand and the omnipresent cutting-edge ‘promos’ of an RGV film make sure that most film enthusiasts not only know about his latest release but also are curious about the content. Never mind the often-corrugated quality of his films.
Does the approach of the aforementioned two extremes of Hindi cinema reflect their belonging to the much-reviled commercial cinema? Or does it simply reflect their clarity of approach? The latter, one would argue. Anything that makes someone pay to experience it becomes commercial in nature. Hence cinema, irrespective of its artistic quotient, is commercial. Period.

Anything that makes someone pay to experience it becomes commercial in nature. Hence cinema, irrespective of its artistic quotient, is commercial. Period.

Time is now ripe for Nihalani & Co. to acknowledge the truth of the moment. Continuing to overlook the innovative financial and marketing requirements of their niche films would do more damage to serious cinema, and to their own selves, than what mainstream films can ever inflict upon them.

If thinking about commerce hinders their further artistic evolution, Nihalani & Co. should hire a professional marketing team for promoting their films. A team that would, sans any interference in artistic matters, work towards a ‘successful product launch’ and try and ensure the maximum return on investment (ROI) for the producers. Not the least by making the maximum possible number of people watch the film; firstly, and importantly, at theatres and then through TV channels and home video. That is how it works in West. That is how it works with the successful ones here in India.

All said and chewed, it is time that makers of serious cinema realize that Dev can no longer be aloof from worldly virtues. He needs the lure of a Girl Friend. Or a Boy Friend, if that is what is due next.

Categories
Journalism

What is the Benchmark?

Portuguese traveler Barbosa, who visited Gujarat in A.D. 1511 and 1514, had described Ahmedabad as “very rich and well embellished with good streets and squares supplied with houses of stone and cement.” In Sir Thomas Roe’s time, A.D. 1615, it was said to be “a goodly city as large as London”.

How things have changed!

Or have they? According to a recent report, Ahmedabad’s population is slated to touch the 1 Crore mark in 2030! That would, irrespective of the difference between the two populations of the time, still make Ahmedabad  ‘as large as London’.

But that would be missing tree for wood. For, the embellishment of the description of Ahmedabad was provided not as much by the word ‘large’, as it was by the entirety of the  phrase ‘goodly city’ viz. good, big and handsome.
So, what is a ‘goodly city’ in its entirety?

Depends on where one comes from! But a part of it is carried in Babosa’s description viz. “well embellished with good streets and squares”. While it is, as already mentioned, only a part of the big picture, it speaks of the nature of the populace. It talks of a society that is not only organized but also encourages room for togetherness via public squares. It talks of a society that is not only progressing with the times but also preserving the early-life goodness like community huddle, for sharing those anecdotes that make life such a good story.

Ahmedabad today has innumerable malls, multiplexes, high-rises and an increasing number of flyovers. But name one great public square  a la Trafalgar Square of London  that the modern day town planners have gifted the City with. In fact, today’s children might well say that the only squares they see are the various cross-roads; and those too are basically reserved for cows!

We have various chic cafes, but do not have the coffee-house culture. We have close to 40 movie halls, including about a dozen multiplexes, but do not have a cinema culture. Our theatre is basically imported from Mumbai. We have timers on crossroads, but we think that the traffic should zoom when there are 6 seconds to go! We have some of India’s finest educational and research institutes, but do not have healthy public conversation on anything. We have some of biggest home-grown business houses, but do not have professionalism at most levels. We have continental restaurants, but we think that the place is meant to shout trans-continent while having our mouth full. We have the latest mobile phones, but we believe that they work the best during a movie or inside an ICU.

It is tiring for me and must be boring for you to read the aforementioned. Moreover, one may argue that most of the aforementioned is applicable to most Indian Cities.

Maybe; but how does your neighbour’s diarrhea cure your tummy ache?

This is not a malicious diatribe against the City. All of the aforementioned is stated merely to illustrate the various factors that are contributing to our size but not to our character. Ahmedabad is today a ‘goodly city as large as most European cities’, but it does not have good enough reasons to attract travelers anymore.

Don’t worry about some of the new-age ‘happening cities’ of India. Let them fool themselves with hyperboles. The truth of the matter is that no Indian city is good enough. The fight for prestige amongst Indian cities is basically about being crowned the one-eyed amongst blind!

We have the heterogeneity and we definitely have the means. Now if we get it right, we might start moving towards becoming a really “goodly City”. But for that to happen, we will have to refrain from scoring inconsequential brownie points over the nearest rival and set the benchmark right. 1615 A.D.  should be a good one to begin with.

You are encouraged to share your views on the city and its people.

Come, let’s spend some time together.