With the Gujarat high court getting tough on stray cattle on roads, Jignesh’s, Jigna’s, hamari, tumhari and the nation’s mataa is left with no option but to appeal for her rights to form colonies on roads. She gets furious as she talks of all
the things that she had to do to raise us all Amdavadis.

Moo! Myself Bhuriben Chavvawala. And I am writing this to let you all know what a piece of flea-caught-in-a-dry dog-pile you are. After living at our mercy and on our milk, chhaas and cheese on pijjha, you have the cheek to throw us out of our home? I don’t know about others, but you’ll have to have a clear road over my dead body. For I ain’t going anywhere. Have you forgotten, “gaai hamari maata hai, road pe unka khaata hai?”

I was born right on this road. At 2 in the night, when my mom was crying in agony, one of you had thrown a stone at her, asking her to shut up. Do you know that the stone had actually hit me? At 2 in the night, seconds after my birth? Even though I could barely understand her – come on, I was barely born – my mom had told me plainly, “road na kutra aney lokon na pathra thhi hamesh bachi ne rehje”.

At least dogs know why they bark at us all the time. I mean I hope they do; because I’ve never been able to understand why they just keep on barking and do nothing more.

Anyway, they bark at us for territory issues or they play the dogs that they are; but what is the issue with you people? What is the issue between you and me?

You don’t want to live on the roads, do you? And as for traffic, after acknowledging for decades, our contribution towards saving on the cost of speed breakers and road dividers, why have we suddenly become a nuisance? And did you say nuisance? Saala nakhkhotia, taaru satyanash thaai. Maney nuisance boley chhe!

Carl Lewis had once said that more than the Taj Mahal, the thing that he liked was the way his car had to be stopped every other then because of cattle on the roads. I say, bring him to Ahmedabad. Make him stay at Taj Ummed and ask him to cross even the airport circle to reach the airport. I’m sure he would never want to go back only. In fact he would call Michael Jackson also. All that foreign exchange only because of us.

But that would require a little foresight. Something that you people don’t have. Have you ever realised that unless you make alternative arrangements, all the Amdavadi roads would become one garbage box full of plastic bags? Who would clean them if we don’t eat them? If you want we can give milk directly in pouches.

I don’t know anything. Either think of it as interest on my milk or my plain challenge. Either agree nicely or I know how to MOO you.


Author. Entrepreneur. Filmmaker. Journalist.

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