Author: Anshuman Rawat

Author. Entrepreneur. Filmmaker. Journalist.

Categories
Journalism

Ab Dilli Durd Nahin!

Every destination in Delhi not only used to be very ‘duur’, it used to be one big ‘durd’ to reach destinations. The world has not turned upside down, but things look much brighter and safer now with the arrival of Delhi Metro.

2010 is the year for Delhi to host Commonwealth Games. And apart from facilities like athletes’ village and stadium infrastructure, what might help the city get it right would be a public sector spectacle called Delhi Metro.

The Delhi Metro was opened on December 24, 2002. It is the second underground rapid transit system in India, after the one in operation in Kolkata. But unlike the Calcutta Metro, the Delhi Metro has a combination of elevated, ground level and underground tracks.

From widespread cynicism at the beginning of the project to lack of education amongst early commuters, everything seemed to be loaded against the project. Not to mention that fact that a public body has not had a successful project of such magnificent nature since long. But the team of Dr. E. Sreedharan, the managing director of Delhi Metro Rail Corporation Limited (DMRC) has managed to have eggs on all the nay-sayers. Today, the Delhi metro is a benchmark for all public-private participation programs in India.

The real beauty lies not just in the aesthetics of the trains or stations, but in the many facets of its being. The most heart-warming change that it has brought is offering safety of a Mumbai or Ahmedabad to lady commuters of the city. It is by far the safest mode of commuting for thousands of women who need to use public transport every day in Delhi. It gives respite from the rowdy blue-line bus-walahs and meter-allergic auto drivers. Furthermore, it has not only significantly cut down the commuting hours but also made commuting very relaxing. Kids and young couples actually look forward to reaching the metro stations and have a fun ride.

It is a win-win scenario for everyone involved – right from the government to the common man. A’bad-G’nagar metro, come soon!

_________________________________________________________

Delhi Metro at a Glance

  • Each train consists of four coaches and can carry up to 240 seated and 300 standing passengers
  • The trains operate at intervals of three to five minutes between 6am to 10pm
  • Trains generally run at speeds below 80 km/h, or 50 mph
  • Trains stop for an average of 20 seconds at each MRTS station
  • All coaches are air-conditioned
  • All metro stations and trains have their own specially trained Metro police
  • Each station has been designed with a unique scheme, with local students of arts colleges contributing towards designing of decorative murals etc.

 

Categories
Writing

Chaa Ki Aankh – A Reality Show by Kitli Times

The other day, all the noise created by Big Brother and its smaller Boss finally got the kitlis talking about the format of TV shows. “What’s the point of calling it a reality show when the cameras are switched off in sandaas-jhajhroo (loo).

Indians ni aakhkhi reality tyanj dekhai jaai chhe. (The real Indian-ness is generally seen in the loos only) As they say, don’t go by the suites of a 5-star hotel, go by the state of public toilets to guage a nation’s progress”.

“Alya, don’t you have enough of the ‘show’ while going to work that you want it on television too?”

“Abey, that is to remove the mask of sophistication from fake artists.”

“Chhee, VIBHATSYA (gross)”

The conversation may or may not have moved towards much sense, but it got us thinking about the truth. Yes, do we Amdavadis have any sense of public etiquette?

That the nation of India as a whole too fails on that front can’t be much of a justification, can it?

So KITLI TIMES has decided to add its bit to the subject. And with that we definitely don’t  mean donating a bit of us to public places. 😉 We wish to document and present the truth that we have always known; but have never been confronted with. Of course, keeping in mind the perennially zestful nature of KITLI TIMES, care would be taken to not take life too seriously. No one has ever come out of it alive anyway, right?

So then, here’s the story:

The KT team would be posted in FIVE of the most popular tea stalls at some of the most vantage points in western Ahmedabad. The ‘catchment area’ is arrived upon keeping in mind the fact that not only are the selected kitlis very well known and popular but also provide the best sample mix – comprising anyone between an IAS officer to a daily wage earner. Furthermore, because of logistical reasons, the magazine is presently unable to cover unknown kitlis at places like Odhav, Ghatlodia, Sarkhej or Ambli.  The areas in question are University Road, Drive-In Road, Nehru Nagar, CG Road and IIM Road for the whole of March. (Oh yes birather, you are going to be watched by the Big Birather).

If you can’t better it, make it really bad, they say. So here is League magazine, with Ahmedabad’s first-ever reality show – CHAA KI AANKH. The editor of KT first apologises to her parents and then to all Amdavadis for choosing an almost risque name for a thoroughly harmless and fun contest. The idea is to be able to live profound truths of life through laughter. Profound truth like, kitlis of Ahmedabad produce more gas than that produced by the entire Krishna-Godavari basin.

Rest assured, the KT reality show is not a bagful of convoluted gas and like ever, does not intend to raise any stink. Pun clearly unintended.;-)

The KT reality show derives its name, as it is reasonably evident, from the contest being about people being observed at kitli (chaa) stalls. The purpose, is to observe the public conduct of our super-successful sales executives, design whiz-kids, Einstein wannabes, dreamy-eyed students and, of course, the common Amdavadis who love their cup of tea at the kitlis.

The winner would be the one who:

  • Does not refer to ANYONE’s ‘pujya ma and pyari behan’
  • Does not hold, adjust or scratch his crotch
  • Does not have paunch and does not ‘spill out’ of the ‘moodhha’
  • Brings friends of the fairer sex for the most number of times
  • (Woman coming alone or women in group earn max points here)
  • Praises the world the most / Criticises the world the least

8 KT representatives (all students) are going to start their work from March 1st. They would just observe behaviour, try and hear the conversation and note it down in their notepads / or message box of their mobile. More soon.

Come, let’s sip some gyan together.

_________________________________________________________

Jonty Road ni Baithak

Somewhere, in the middle of Ahmedabad, there is a road called Jonty Road. The road takes its name from one Jayanti Desai, whom the pol kids call Jonty kaka. No one knows his age but he seems to be of the Gandhian days. Or maybe not; considering he is shrewd enough to call his kitli ‘Jonty Road Tea Center’.

The lucky person whose question was selected by Jonty Kaka this month is Jagrut Bakshi from C G Road. His question is:

“Jonty Kaka, who amongst Sachin, Lara and Inzamam would have the best farewell from ODIs after the World Cup? And Why? ”

Jonty Kaka Replies:

“Boagghas question. The question itself shows how little you know of cricket and cricketers. The best farewell would be that of Brian Lara. (“Because he would be playing at his home ground?” – Jagrut asks) “Alya nai. Because aapda waala retire-aj kyaan thaai chhe! (When do cricketers from our part of the world ever retire?) No retirement then what farewell haara-o ne. ”

Categories
Writing

Print Advertisement: The Village Green

Categories
Journalism

What Would Our Showpiece Event Be?

First things first: League magazine, on behalf of the whole of Ahmedabad, congratulates The Gujarat Institute of Housing & Estate Developers (GIHED) on embarking on a project as inspiring as ‘Brand Ahmedabad: Target 2020’. All the personalities, from varied faculties,  associated with the project give hope to the initiative being a sustained movement, and not a one-off event.

It is initiatives like these that inspire the locals and make people elsewhere curious. Now it remains to be seen how far and fast things move. Here’s wishing everyone associated with the project a huge success.

Heartbreakingly enough, history has showed that such efforts aimed at improving upon both the infrastructure and the image of a city basically works  only with the sections that either choose to or have to interact with the place of action – in this case Ahmedabad. For the rest of the world, all the marketing exercises of an inspired civic group of a city remain just that, marketing exercise by an inspired civic group.

Have you heard of a place named Sao Carlos? No, it is not a typo; it should not have been Sao Paulo. Well, Sao Carlos is one of the better cities of this world. This Brazilian town has cobbled, one-way streets across most of it; has fantastic weather; lovely, friendly people; all the functional and technological supplies for a comfortable life; low crime rate and a life standard comparable to the best of western Europe. Ahmedabad, with due regret and respect – whichever applicable – has decades to go before it can reach anywhere near that.

Fortunately, for good or otherwise, more people in this world (outside the respective countries) would have heard of Ahmedabad than Sao Carlos. Why? Simply because the Brazilian city too hasn’t had a reason to turn the world’s eyes towards it. Add to that the fact that Ahmedabad has got more to it than a mere semblance of perfection! Historians, architects, social scientists, scientists, marketing professionals and artists all have a stake in our city.

Tianamen Square has long been a symbol of China’s authoritarian polity. But come 2008 and it would be a showcase place for the economic giant. Don’t be surprised if the burying ground of many young dreams doubles up as a once-in-a-lifetime experience for young athletes from across the globe. Time to take a leaf out of it?

So what’s the point? The point is a pretty linear one. All those flyovers, tree-plantations, clean air and better transportation that we are talking big of, may not catapult Ahmedabad into big-ticket league of cities like NY or London – even if our quality of life becomes at par with the two. There are many cities across the globe, like Vancouver, with better quality of life than the two mentioned anyway.

As an extension of the thought, it would be pertinent to add here that authorities in Mumbai often talk of converting their city into Shanghai – that one city that has catapulted itself into the A-league cities by the sheer weight of its ‘shock & awe’-ish infrastructure. However, because of the various socio-politico-economic and cultural constraints, India probably will never have that kind of infrastructure. Hence, in all probability, Mumbai has chosen a faulty destination. It should actually have chosen another Chinese city; for a different reason at that. The city is Beijing and the reason is the 2008 Summer Olympics. The authoritarian Chinese government is using the world’s biggest event to not only spruce up its infrastructure but also to instill a sense of pride amongst the Chinese and an improved image of the country in the rest of the world.

And that’s what Ahmedabad should be aiming at. Someone at the GIHED event had mentioned of the city being ready to host Asian Games in a couple of years (the reason behind the spunk in the voice is the soon-to-be-built mega sports complex near Khokhra). A single block of civilisation cannot be trusted to offer that kind of ability; but the thought is finally moving in the right direction. Beginning with Asian Games and eventually leading up to Olympics, some day, should be the aim. And if we all begin now, there is no reason why we can’t realise the dream. Then, Ahmedabad would need no other brand event.

Categories
Cinema Journalism

‘She’ no longer wants ‘him’ to look like you!

The ‘she’ here is both your daughter and the box-office! Unlike the era of black and white films, when the composition of the cinema audience was loaded overwhelmingly in favour of men, these days the box-office does not smile if women don’t shriek in ecstasy!

One may moan the complete absence of ‘substance’ in today’s films, but the fact of the matter is that it is actually the ‘substance’ that stands for the most pronounced change that has come about in film-making in India.

Agreed, with ‘substance’ the high-brow circles generally mean the profundity of a thought and not any thought per se. But in a world where most self-proclaimed afficionados of cinema make statements like, “we are getting better with technique but not with scripts”, it would only be prudent to leave something as subjective as ‘substance’ for a later time. [Note: The uninitiated may take note of the fact that ‘script writing’ too is a technical aspect of film-making.]

Quite obviously, the change in substance or content has been forced upon film-makers by the rapid changes in today’s society. The audience has changed and so has the content that appeals to today’s audience. Nation-building through armed forces and good social conduct, sadly, do not rank too highly in the aspiration charts of today’s youth. Today’s youth does not want to stand with and for the society; it wants to stand out in a big society. It wants to be everything that the general society is not. It wants everything that the general society can and would ever be.

Everything that the earlier screen or ‘societal’ hero was meant to do has either already been achieved or is not to be done by a hero anymore. Not through earlier methods anyway. Today’s hero is not expected to take the society along. He is, in fact, supposed to stand out and form a fantasy society of his own. All surrounding ills of the two eras being a constant.

Little wonder then, the role models too ought to stand for those aspirations. A six-feet plus, good-looking, dare-devil police inspector with a beautiful wife and a still-interested scorching-hot ex-classmate is not enough for becoming a role model. For, the role model is the man whom the former guy is chasing. For, the role model is a chimera. National boundaries, human limitations and regular world do not interest him. He is a stand-out – whom the society has heard of, is in awe of and is pitted against. He’s the rebel that most of us are not good enough to be. And what does he do? Well, he puts his body and mind to good effect to make a statement. Sounds good? It did to youth all across the nation; and in the US and UK too.

My hero has to be better than my boyfriend and brother …

Let’s face it; none of my friends will swoon over a screen-sized paunch! There are enough open pores and bad teeth in real life. My hero has to be better than my boy friend and brother. When I pay for the cinema ticket, I  pay for aesthetic appeal and visual pleasure too. Father figures, sugar daddies do not turn me on. Brash, super-confident, rich, macho, good looker, muscle-packed guy with melting puppy dog gaze…..that is what I want to escape with and be courted by ..in reel–if not real–life. I’ll have to wake up after three hours anyway, right?

– (27 / female) Principal Correspondent of a leading financial daily

So what’s new? Even Shammi Kapoor was a standout, an enchanting ‘Junglee’. Yes he was and that’s why he was so successful. But would he be just as successful now? Not with that kind of body weight, dancing limitations and sameness of the look. Blasphemous? Not because the aforementioned was not a statement on him; it was a statement on today’s benchmarks. Such are the demands of today’s cinema-going youth that even Amitabh would’ve struggled to be what he is if he were to begin his journey now.

A mere addition of glamour cannot stand for dilution of substance. Seen without any prejudice, it speaks of a pursuit of excellence. Just as our parents talk of a healthy mind in a healthy body, our children are teaching us the worth of dressing up even organic food! Yes, a good thought that is also a visual delight is today’s call.

Middle class or salaried people seldom become the world’s idol. You may be from Jharkhand, but if you have hair of a rock star, you are a rock star. Just as you can be from Mumbai and still be an Ajit Agarkar. And that, again, is what the point is. Talent in the field of your choice has now become either a given or, quite ironically, a valuable added asset!

That’s not what separates yours truly from Hrithik’s character in D:2. Or else girls would have been ripping their tops off at a mere sight of Om Puri. That is not to say that today’s role model does not have talent. It’s just that he stands for things that go beyond talent. Today a child has a ‘been there done that’ feel right from her childhood. If she is not taken on a journey that is beyond even her wildest dreams, she will remain unimpressed. And yes, even if she’s impressed, she would not take him to her parents!

We have theater and TV for the rest

Why is Hrithik Roshan paid 36 Crores for a three-film deal? Simply because he can earn it back for the investors – by virtue of being a true-blue movie star.

A true-blue movie star is a film actor who is seldom seen anywhere except in movies. Not in real life, not on TV, not in theater and certainly not in our family or social circles. Whatever be the truth behind the scenes, but on screen and in collective imagination of the audience, he or she stands for everything that we and our society are not and will never be.

“A star is someone who evokes emotion even after he has stopped emoting” – Satyajit Ray had once remarked. That is the difference between an actor and a star. That X-amount more. Shows in the remuneration.

Categories
Book Extracts Shorts Writing

Ahmedabad’s Not Happening

The following is an extract from I Am Ahmedabad, a collection of short stories

###

Sabarmati flowing bank to bank; if only it could happen a couple of years earlier!

You know, this is almost a symbol of things. Here even the river with seven bridges is dry. Dry, that’s the word for Ahmedabad.

Yeah right, so why don’t you go back to your goddamn south Mumbai? Ahmedabad’s not happening, my foot!

Two years since, I still remember every detail of that last fight with Ritu. Though, time has ensured that thoughts about her no longer make me sad. I guess now they just add to the emptiness. Sounds funny doesn’t it, the more thoughts I have the more empty I feel!
Luckily, in our city people talk loud enough to shake anyone off his thoughts. And so did, what seemed, a newly wed couple while passing me by. I think I clearly heard the guy complain to his partner:

Badhi waar maarej kyam sharuvaat karvi pade chhe? Kyaarek tu aagad wadhi ne mane kiss nathi kari shakti? [Why is it that it’s always me who takes the lead; can’t you at times take charge and kiss me?]

You either want it or you get it. You can’t have both. I can never forget the day when my relationship with Ritu was, quite literally, sealed in public. Hugging a friend as a greeting was the norm with our group at CEPT, especially when meeting someone after a longish period. I’d just hugged Neha and Mamta and was about to hug Hanif when, suddenly, Ritu came from nowhere and kissed me full on my mouth. Amidst loud cheers and Ritu’s wicked grin, I was clearly at the receiving end of wits.

I thought today’s a nice day to go official with our thing – Ritu couldn’t help hide her glee on catching me off-guard.
Coming merely an year and a half after my falling for her from day one, I thought it was a bit too fast for me! But I guess she’d not only heard the first thud but had also come to know me well by then –

I don’t think you were ever going to do this, were you?

Of course not, you must be kidding! If only I could say even that much. But it wasn’t necessitated. Our thing was already, as she’d put it, official.

Unlike me, Ritu wasn’t unanimously popular at CEPT. Maybe because I was just a regular sports guy and kept my talking to a minimum while Ritu was the quintessential ‘you know, I think…’ kind. Now when I think about it, I suspect it might also have been because she never believed that she was ever going to stay back in the city.

Oh, the couple, by the way, has stopped just a few steps away from me, laughing, at some joke I guess. Seems they have already made up. They must be coming here everyday to share some togetherness away from the family. Whatever. But they look contented by the way they walk away, holding hands.

Thinking about me? [Ritu SMSes during a lecture]

Feel like having a walk out in the rain holding your hand. [I reply, thinking that was the first time anyone had ever told that to his girlfriend!]

Why do you always get stuck at holding hands? 😉

What have you got against holding hands?

Nothing, except that by the time your hand reaches my shoulder, it would be time to get married. 😉

So?

So… then if we are in Ahmedabad, we would be sitting on a bridge or at a roadside paav-bhaaji stall or a multiplex, like one boring married couple. And yes, we would be holding hands ….

Things were getting increasingly agonising. Can’t spend the evening like this. I rush towards my Maruti 800 and almost dangerously start speeding towards Escape, the only discotheque worth its salt in the town. It was a favourite with Ritu. She had made weekends at Escape a habit for both of us. You should’ve seen how completely at home she’d felt amidst the disc’s partly global and largely ‘me too’ populace. But then, she’d felt comfortable even with me! All thought and dismissed, even I used to look forward to the weekends. Ritu’s company and music the way I like, loud, was a heady concoction.

But today it’s feeling so different. No satin to hold on to, no fragrance to breathe, no nectar to fill my years and no bliss for my lips. Today it is just a crowded place playing music that bounces off your ears. I look around to find a friendly face, in vain. Even the in-house DJ has changed.   Back on the highway: I can’t help but think about the mails that Ritu and I have exchanged since our resolve to go separate ways. The last one was special. It carried the memoirs of our first date anniversary at the Science City, about 4 years ago. We had celebrated the day with the first ever show of an IMAX movie in Ahmedabad. The mail also recollected how she had first talked to my mom that day. And how we had almost broken off after I’d refused to streak my hair, in spite of her million requests.

And then suddenly the car engine stops humming – right in the middle of the bridge over Narmada Canal. I give a few futile shots to the ignition key. Damn! I get out of the car and kick the front wheel in despair. Not by any stretch of imagination, does it feel like the day when Ritu and I were stranded here three years ago. Of course, when you are in love, even getting stranded on a highway seems romantic. That day, we had walked down, along the side of the Canal. Those who’ve been to the Canal would know how the place hosts a few couples every hour of the day. As we walked further down, we crossed one oblivious couple after another, hugging, kissing and at times getting a little naughty.

When in Rome, do as Romans do. I clearly remember an excited Ritu’s nervous urge.

We went to the place many times after that. In fact, gradually we had found out all the possible places along the Sarkhej-Gandhinagar highway for a little intimate rendezvous under stars. But after tiding over the initial Everest of hormones, car breakdowns had become dangerously close to heartbreak.

There goes Ahmedabad’s favourite car again.

In those early days, I was too much in love with her to give any thought to such comments from Ritu. But soon, her contempt for anything Amdavadi became the crux of disagreements between us. And before we knew, heated exchanges had become a daily affair. Till we had that final big fight.

Pushing a car on a desolate, non-lit stretch of highway while thinking about a lost love, wow!

One look into the bonnet when under a street lamp and I realize that it is the same old carburetor. 11:30 PM, the car stereo clock tells me. Cursing my luck, I get down working on the darn thing.

It’s 12:30 AM. Moments ago I’d brought an end to a torturous evening. Not wanting to do anything is one thing and doing what you do anyway is quite another. So I get down to checking e-mails. Sure enough, I can see one from her.

Two years and 3 ‘happening’ boyfriends later, I’ve realized that while Ahmedabad used to invite me everywhere, Cuffe Parade wouldn’t Have … if I were different…. like you.  And the truth is, after living out every fantasy, I’m finally becoming like you. I know I am … because my friends tell me that I’m no longer happening…

… I’ll be in Ahmedabad this Navaratri, wanting to start a new life for myself. Will you come to receive me … with that ring?

God! I immediately go for my trouser pocket; and take out my wallet. Yes, my God yes, it’s still with me. I had forgotten to throw the ring in Sabarmati today.

Phew!