Category: Writing

Children these days grow up much faster than ever before. Unfortunately, they also acquire the curse of adulthood much earlier than earlier. Who would have thought in our childhood that a four year-old boy can fall prey to serious depression, only because one of his mates at the play-school talks faster, runs faster and finishes puzzles faster than him? Unfortunately for him, his parents mistake his blues for reluctance to go to school and fail to see the signals. Today the child’s future is dependent on a long and continuous medical journey.

Normally, clinical depression is a state of intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive to an individual’s social functioning and/or activities of daily living.

But if you are a parent or guardian of a child that has been identified with a neurobiological brain disorder (NBD), or mental illness, you would have to go that extra mile to best judge of your child’s special needs and particular strengths – along with the cause and the treatment of the same. It is almost always a long drawn journey.

Neurobiological disorders, neurobiological brain disorders (NBD), and mental illness are terms used for a group of brain disorders that cause disturbances in thinking, feeling, or relating. These disorders result in a substantially reduced capacity for coping with the ordinary demands of everyday life.

If you suspect your child is ill, or if a teacher or your doctor suggests that your child should be evaluated, you should seek a professional’s advice viz. a psychiatric evaluation by a child and adolescent specialist.

Modern day psychiatrists generally believe that all brain disorders have a biological underpinning. These doctors then outline the kind of treatment they believe will be most appropriate for your child. You will want to choose a professional who respects your role and views the family not as part of the child’s problem, but as a strength the child can build on. After all, don’t all parents wish their children good more than anyone else in the world?

Yes, as a parent, you are the first one to notice any changes in the behavioural pattern in your child. By instinct then, you would be the first doctor too. It is imperative for the doctor you choose to understand that truth.

As an extension of the same, exercise the right to ask and make the doctor explain all his assumptions and treatments. Simply because what he or she might be terming unusual or usual for children might not be so for your own child.
If you have been able to get an accurate diagnosis, you are well on your way. Your child’s psychiatrist may offer medication or a combination of medication and psychotherapy. The doctor may suggest that another person (such as a social worker or psychologist (provide the therapy while he overseas the medication. The therapist generally talks extensively with the child about his feelings and conflicts, his current problems, and how to establish good relationships with those around him.

As you see, it eventually builds down to building relationships with the child. Why not you be the first one to build a solid one?

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When to talk to the doctor about your child’s mental health?

Younger Children

• Marked fall in school performance.
• A lot of worry or anxiety, as shown by regular refusal to go to school, go to sleep or take part in activities that are normal for the child’s age.
• Hyperactivity; fidgeting; constant movement beyond regular playing.
• Persistent nightmares.
• Persistent disobedience or aggression (longer than 6 months) and provocative opposition to authority figures.
• Frequent, unexplainable temper tantrums.

Pre-adolescents and Adolescents

• Marked change in school performance.
• Abuse of alcohol and/or drugs.
• Inability to cope with problems and daily activities.
• Marked changes in sleeping and/or eating habits.
• Many complaints of physical ailments.
• Aggressive or non-aggressive consistent violation of rights of others; opposition to authority, truancy, thefts, vandalism.
• Intense fear of becoming obese with no relationship to actual body weight.
• Depression shown by sustained, prolonged negative mood and attitude, often accompanied by poor appetite, difficulty sleeping or thoughts of death.
• Frequent outbursts of anger.

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The other day, all the noise created by Big Brother and its smaller Boss finally got the kitlis talking about the format of TV shows. “What’s the point of calling it a reality show when the cameras are switched off in sandaas-jhajhroo (loo).

Indians ni aakhkhi reality tyanj dekhai jaai chhe. (The real Indian-ness is generally seen in the loos only) As they say, don’t go by the suites of a 5-star hotel, go by the state of public toilets to guage a nation’s progress”.

“Alya, don’t you have enough of the ‘show’ while going to work that you want it on television too?”

“Abey, that is to remove the mask of sophistication from fake artists.”

“Chhee, VIBHATSYA (gross)”

The conversation may or may not have moved towards much sense, but it got us thinking about the truth. Yes, do we Amdavadis have any sense of public etiquette?

That the nation of India as a whole too fails on that front can’t be much of a justification, can it?

So KITLI TIMES has decided to add its bit to the subject. And with that we definitely don’t  mean donating a bit of us to public places. 😉 We wish to document and present the truth that we have always known; but have never been confronted with. Of course, keeping in mind the perennially zestful nature of KITLI TIMES, care would be taken to not take life too seriously. No one has ever come out of it alive anyway, right?

So then, here’s the story:

The KT team would be posted in FIVE of the most popular tea stalls at some of the most vantage points in western Ahmedabad. The ‘catchment area’ is arrived upon keeping in mind the fact that not only are the selected kitlis very well known and popular but also provide the best sample mix – comprising anyone between an IAS officer to a daily wage earner. Furthermore, because of logistical reasons, the magazine is presently unable to cover unknown kitlis at places like Odhav, Ghatlodia, Sarkhej or Ambli.  The areas in question are University Road, Drive-In Road, Nehru Nagar, CG Road and IIM Road for the whole of March. (Oh yes birather, you are going to be watched by the Big Birather).

If you can’t better it, make it really bad, they say. So here is League magazine, with Ahmedabad’s first-ever reality show – CHAA KI AANKH. The editor of KT first apologises to her parents and then to all Amdavadis for choosing an almost risque name for a thoroughly harmless and fun contest. The idea is to be able to live profound truths of life through laughter. Profound truth like, kitlis of Ahmedabad produce more gas than that produced by the entire Krishna-Godavari basin.

Rest assured, the KT reality show is not a bagful of convoluted gas and like ever, does not intend to raise any stink. Pun clearly unintended.;-)

The KT reality show derives its name, as it is reasonably evident, from the contest being about people being observed at kitli (chaa) stalls. The purpose, is to observe the public conduct of our super-successful sales executives, design whiz-kids, Einstein wannabes, dreamy-eyed students and, of course, the common Amdavadis who love their cup of tea at the kitlis.

The winner would be the one who:

• Does not refer to ANYONE’s ‘pujya ma and pyari behan’
• Does not hold, adjust or scratch his crotch
• Does not have paunch and does not ‘spill out’ of the ‘moodhha’
• Brings friends of the fairer sex for the most number of times
• (Woman coming alone or women in group earn max points here)
• Praises the world the most / Criticises the world the least

8 KT representatives (all students) are going to start their work from March 1st. They would just observe behaviour, try and hear the conversation and note it down in their notepads / or message box of their mobile. More soon.

Come, let’s sip some gyan together.

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Jonty Road ni Baithak

Somewhere, in the middle of Ahmedabad, there is a road called Jonty Road. The road takes its name from one Jayanti Desai, whom the pol kids call Jonty kaka. No one knows his age but he seems to be of the Gandhian days. Or maybe not; considering he is shrewd enough to call his kitli ‘Jonty Road Tea Center’.

The lucky person whose question was selected by Jonty Kaka this month is Jagrut Bakshi from C G Road. His question is:

“Jonty Kaka, who amongst Sachin, Lara and Inzamam would have the best farewell from ODIs after the World Cup? And Why? ”

Jonty Kaka Replies:

“Boagghas question. The question itself shows how little you know of cricket and cricketers. The best farewell would be that of Brian Lara. (“Because he would be playing at his home ground?” – Jagrut asks) “Alya nai. Because aapda waala retire-aj kyaan thaai chhe! (When do cricketers from our part of the world ever retire?) No retirement then what farewell haara-o ne. ”

With the Gujarat high court getting tough on stray cattle on roads, Jignesh’s, Jigna’s, hamari, tumhari and the nation’s mataa is left with no option but to appeal for her rights to form colonies on roads. She gets furious as she talks of all
the things that she had to do to raise us all Amdavadis.

Moo! Myself Bhuriben Chavvawala. And I am writing this to let you all know what a piece of flea-caught-in-a-dry dog-pile you are. After living at our mercy and on our milk, chhaas and cheese on pijjha, you have the cheek to throw us out of our home? I don’t know about others, but you’ll have to have a clear road over my dead body. For I ain’t going anywhere. Have you forgotten, “gaai hamari maata hai, road pe unka khaata hai?”

I was born right on this road. At 2 in the night, when my mom was crying in agony, one of you had thrown a stone at her, asking her to shut up. Do you know that the stone had actually hit me? At 2 in the night, seconds after my birth? Even though I could barely understand her – come on, I was barely born – my mom had told me plainly, “road na kutra aney lokon na pathra thhi hamesh bachi ne rehje”.

At least dogs know why they bark at us all the time. I mean I hope they do; because I’ve never been able to understand why they just keep on barking and do nothing more.

Anyway, they bark at us for territory issues or they play the dogs that they are; but what is the issue with you people? What is the issue between you and me?

You don’t want to live on the roads, do you? And as for traffic, after acknowledging for decades, our contribution towards saving on the cost of speed breakers and road dividers, why have we suddenly become a nuisance? And did you say nuisance? Saala nakhkhotia, taaru satyanash thaai. Maney nuisance boley chhe!

Carl Lewis had once said that more than the Taj Mahal, the thing that he liked was the way his car had to be stopped every other then because of cattle on the roads. I say, bring him to Ahmedabad. Make him stay at Taj Ummed and ask him to cross even the airport circle to reach the airport. I’m sure he would never want to go back only. In fact he would call Michael Jackson also. All that foreign exchange only because of us.

But that would require a little foresight. Something that you people don’t have. Have you ever realised that unless you make alternative arrangements, all the Amdavadi roads would become one garbage box full of plastic bags? Who would clean them if we don’t eat them? If you want we can give milk directly in pouches.

I don’t know anything. Either think of it as interest on my milk or my plain challenge. Either agree nicely or I know how to MOO you.

What do we mean by the term ‘relationship’? Or by its parent term ‘relation’? Does the meaning of either derive itself from concrete scientific explanation or do the terms reflect the ‘evolution of societal nomenclature’ over a period of centuries? Importantly, how flexible are the terms?

From ‘are you in a relationship’ being the question of life and death for a teenage boy chatting with a girl of his age on Internet, to ‘aakhir tumhara uske saath rishta kya hai’ being the bread and butter line of all Hindi film script-writers of yesteryears to a more universal ‘worsening of relations between the two faiths’ because of war on Iraq, we are surrounded by a stream of consciousness that has a central role for this all-encompassing entity called ‘relation’ or ‘relationship’.

Keeping aside Einstein’s theory of relativity and all things scientific, let’s think aloud about what do human relations stand for?

Oxford dictionary defines ‘relation’ as ‘the way in which one person is related / connected to another’ and ‘relationship’ as ‘state or instance of being related’. However the interesting one is the description of the   colloquial usage of the word ‘relationship’: ‘emotional (including sexual) association between two people’.

There you are – the modern, colloquial expression equates ‘relation’ with ‘emotion’; thereby reflecting the gradual, but definite, evolution of every aspect of human life, including its meaning itself.

Whether we consider human life to be a gift by God or we go by Darwin’s theory of evolution, one truth that emerges is that the early humans – of a particular geographic location – would have formed groups on the basis of both emotions and functional needs. The rugged ones would have formed a group and would have gone together for hunting and then later distributed the ‘booty’ to others. And so would have started their living together. Either by might or sheer attraction of their physicality, women would have later joined the ‘family’. Brothers, sisters, in-laws etc were not a part of the early vocabulary. Well, when there was no language itself, the question of nomenclature becomes redundant for that era  anyway.

‘Kinship’, another term for ‘relation’ in western societies, and defined as the most basic principle of organizing individuals into social groups, roles, and categories, was originally thought to be determined by biological descent. But American anthropologist David M. Schneider in his work on Symbolic Kinship (1984, A Critique of The Study of Kinship) had challenged that assumption. He had claimed that while anthropologists had founded the domain of ‘kinship’ on the notions of human reproduction and the biologically-defined-relatedness of their own Euro-American culture, human reproduction and notions of biological relatedness cannot be presumed to structure people’s social relationships in other cultural contexts.

In other words, ‘kinship’  may not stand for the same thing in different cultural contexts!

What explains the uniqueness of ‘relation’ with respect to a culture subset is ‘ Kinship terminology’. It  refers to the words used in a specific culture to describe a specific system of familial relationships. Translators usually find it impossible to translate directly the kinship terms of a society that uses one system into the language of a society that uses a different system.

What else is a relation – except and only except between parent(s) and child – but an emotion or expression of that emotion?

And yet, how many times have we heard that when the son grows big enough to wear his father’s shirts, the father should start treating the son as his friend? It is even more pronounced for women. The moment a girl hits puberty, her mother almost instantly becomes her biggest ‘friend, philosopher & guide’.

Functions change; thereby bringing a change, first in emotions and then in expression of those emotions.

For example, in Sudan, no two relatives share the same term. While in Hawaii, they classify only in terms of sex and generation. So, grandmother-grandfather, mother-father and brother-sister are the only names for everyone else in the family.

Clearly, if every woman of my parents’ generation is called ‘mother’ by me (as in Hawaii), there’s not much of biology involved there, right?

One can argue, and naturally so, that whatever might be the logic, biology is involved between me and my mother after all.

Yes there is, but unless you substitute a polar bear with a royal bengal tiger, even a mother would not be able to tell between her own two-minute old baby and some other baby of the same age and gender. So, if Kishore Kumar were replaced by Anup Kumar (if they were of the same age), both the ‘altered’ set of mother-son duo would have gone ahead with life the way they eventually did!

Often, the difference between the bond amongst ‘related people’ and strangers is measured in terms of the ‘acceptance of obligations’ – towards each other –  by the ‘related’. “The more I owe you, the greater we share” seems to be the whole idea. Is that how life was meant to be?

One thing that ‘relations’ do is add a sense of obligation between the ‘related’. So, even if giving respect to age does not come naturally to you, you give it to your parents because you ‘owe your life to them’. Considering how many old-age homes are springing up in Ahmedabad and elsewhere in the nation, one would assume that the obligation theory is not working too much, eh? Or the fact that parents / elders can still be seen living with their children / youth is actually a testimony to the strength of the ‘obligation’?

Hope that is not the case. Because if that were the only reason for living with our parents and / or ‘relatives’, then this world could hardly be expected to last too long. How far can an universally unhappy and compromised world go anyway?

I live with my parents because I like to live with them. So do you. We of course owe our life to them. And hence it is our ‘duty to look after them’. But it is not the reason for my love for them. I love them for what they stand for. Just as I would love your parents for the values that they stand for. If I can call both my parents and my wife’s parents ‘mummy and papa’, why on earth should I not call any and every elder by that name, if I feel like? I don’t owe my life to my wife’s parents. I won’t be owing my life to your parents too. But I can still see the ‘idea of mummy-papa’ in your parents. The birth of that idea of mine in your parents is what ‘emotion’ is all about.

Yes, every relation is basically about emotions that every human carries for the fellow humans. So, what’s the fuss all about?